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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26116495">Chartreuse</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenRoseForeverandever/pseuds/TenRoseForeverandever'>TenRoseForeverandever</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Fluff, Humor, Jack being Jack, Non-Explicit, Strong Language, sexual inuendo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:35:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,671</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26116495</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenRoseForeverandever/pseuds/TenRoseForeverandever</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Panic ensues when Rose doesn't recognize the colour chartreuse, but in the end, the repercussions of her misjudgment are nothing like what she expected.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Chartreuse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for a “Guess the Author” prompt in the Doctor x Rose Discord: “Oh, shit! Oh, fuck! That was the wrong button.” It was supposed to be a maximum of 500 words, so I failed at that spectacularly, but my muse was insistent. </p>
<p>My undying thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aintfraidanoghosts">aintfraidanoghosts</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_Nebula">Rose_Nebula</a>, and <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsbertucci">mrsbertucci</a> for helping me brainstorm ideas for this fic and coming up with some killer Jack-lines that I was able to adapt to fit! You are all geniuses and I love you! <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_Nebula">Rose_Nebula</a>, and <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsbertucci">mrsbertucci</a>, your betaing was, as always, stellar. Where would I be without you? &lt;3&lt;3&lt;3 </p>
<p>All mistakes are well and truly mine.</p>
<p>*WARNING: non-explicit sexual content and language.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Seriously,” Rose leaned back against the TARDIS console and gazed up at the infinite ceiling above her, “the Doctor’s jus’ my <em>friend.</em> That’s <em>all!”</em></span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jack’s head and shoulders slid out from under the console. He scoffed and fixed Rose with an expression that could only be described as incredulous. “Yeah, right. You keep tellin’ yourself that, Rosie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it’s true, innit?” Rose countered, unable to prevent the flush that burned over her cheeks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just sayin’, play your cards right, and your status could be upgraded to <em>friends-with-benefits</em>.” He gave her a lascivious wink and disappeared again. The clatter of his tinkering resumed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I <em>wish</em>…” Rose huffed, folding her arms heavily across her chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hand me that hyperspanner, will you?” His hand shot out to accept the tool and Rose smacked it into his hand a bit harder than was strictly necessary.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few seconds later, Jack’s voice sounded from under the console again: “Hey, I need you to do something for me…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rose grinned. <em>“</em>As long as it doesn’t involve me takin’ off my clothes!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Clothing is <em>always</em> optional, in my books, but I’m sorry to say, nudity isn't strictly necessary, so you’re off the hook... <em>this</em> time!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The cheek of him!</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Dream on!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, cut me a little slack, dreams are all I got these days. Can’t get any action around here when you and the Doc only have eyes–” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right,” Rose quickly cut him off, refocusing his attention on the task at hand, “w’at d’ya need me to do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, okay I’ll back off. Promise! Do you see that little panel of buttons, just to your right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rose turned around and scanned the console, quickly locating the multicoloured panel. “Got it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Need you to do this quick, okay? I’m just unhooking everything right now and this flow regulator is no lightweight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, ‘course.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do ya see the chartreuse one?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Chartreuse? Seriously? Pull the other one! I mean, mauve was bad enough but–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon, Rose! Get the hell out of the 21</span>
  <sup>
    <span>st</span>
  </sup>
  <span> Century and just find the damn button! My arms are falling off, here!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All right, all right! Don’t get your knickers in a twist.” Rose concentrated on the buttons in front of her. <em>Chartreuse was sorta greenish, yeah?</em>  “The one at the middle left?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jack groaned. “Urrrghh, no! That’s the <em>jade</em> one. Top row!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rose rolled her eyes and redirected her attention. A deep, bright greenish one glinted at her cheerfully. “Oooh, I got it!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, now, on my mark, I need you to press and hold it for about a minute. That should be enough time for me to reattach the regulator. Ready?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jus’ say the word!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rose stabbed at the button depressing it with a satisfying clunk. “Done!” Keeping her finger firmly on it, she leaned back and contemplated the ceiling again. “It’s jus’…” she addressed Jack again, pausing as her voice seemed to echo through the console room <em>(a bit weird, that…)</em> “It’s jus’, the Doctor says he’s <em>danced,</em> yeah, but what does that even mean? Does he even ‘ave all the necessary bits?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jack’s howls of laughter hurtled around the console room the way her voice had. “Are you kidding me? Have you <em>seen</em> how he looks at you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He does not!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, he <em>does!</em> In fact, <em>ogles</em> would be a better word to use. Add in a bit of drool and doe-eyes and you get the picture. Believe me, Rosie, only someone with <em>all</em> the necessary bits looks at another person like <em>that</em>. I’m tellin’ ya, forget <em>dancing</em>; give him a little encouragement and you and the Time Lord’ll be doing the Horizontal Tango in no time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few seconds passed in silence before Jack’s impatient bark startled her. “Hey! You’re supposed to hold down the button and <em>keep</em> holding it!” His face poked out, frowning up at her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the ‘ell do you think I’ve been doin’?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His face distorted in panic. “Wait! Why can I hear our voices?” He clambered up to stand beside her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, right? Thought that was bit–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s like they’re being… Oh God!” Jack’s voice reverberated especially loudly around the room, and his eyes snapped to where Rose’s finger was firmly depressing the button. “Oh fuck!” He swatted her hand away from the console.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oi!” Rose snapped, but she noticed her voice had stopped echoing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That was <em>not</em> the right button! Tell me,” he faced her, hands on his hips, “how is <em>that</em> chartreuse?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seemed chartreusish to me. And it was in the top row like you said.” She shrugged, guilt warring with irritation. How was she supposed to know exactly what shade of green chartreuse was?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s <em>emerald, </em>sweetheart!” Then he stabbed with his finger toward a button two to the right of the apparently-emerald one. “<em>This</em> is chartreuse, right here!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rose’s stomach sank as she peered at the greenish yellow button Jack had indicated. “So, the one I was holdin’ down? That’s why our voices sounded–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s way worse than that. Pressing that button initiated a ship-wide broadcast–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, it did.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rose wheeled around at the smug sound of the Doctor’s voice. He stood, leaning against a coral strut, leather-clad arms folded across his chest, icy-blue eyes boring into her. Gulping around the lump in her throat, she replayed in her mind all the words she and Jack had spoken while she’d been holding down that bloody button. <em>Oh God! She’d been talking about his </em>bits,<em> for fuck’s sake! And there was something Jack had said about doing the Horizontal Tango…</em> She’d never wanted to vanish into thin air so badly in her entire, miserable life. Forget dancing; she’d be lucky if the Doctor didn’t drop her at home, pronto, after this escapade.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He unfolded himself and strode toward her. Rose jutted her chin out, ready to accept his censure with some level of dignity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jack threw his hands up in surrender as the Doctor brushed aggressively past him. “To be fair, Doc, I defended your bits!” he declared, practically throwing Rose under the proverbial bus.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She groaned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And what would you know about my bits, Harkness?” the Doctor snarled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not nearly enough,” Jack leered at him with a filthy smirk, “but you’re always welcome to–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up, Harkness. And while you’re at it, scram! I’ll deal with you later.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Promises, promises…” Jack beamed as he backed out of the room, shooting Rose a cheeky wink and a double thumbs-up from behind the Doctor’s shoulder. Rose just gaped at him. How could he possibly think this situation was positive in any way whatsoever?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes never leaving Rose’s, the Doctor waited until the sound of Jack’s footsteps receded into the depths of the TARDIS. Then, he stepped toward her, effectively trapping her against the console. He glared down at her; ice blazing with hot, blue flame: that was the only way she could describe his eyes. She ducked her head, feeling small under his scrutiny.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rose Tyler.” Her name rolled out of his mouth, low and gravelly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She forced herself to meet his gaze again. “A-about w’at you may ‘ave ‘eard…,” she stammered, rubbing her forehead with shaking fingers, “…well, you know how conversations with Jack go? Completely off the rails, yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was silent, only the slightest narrowing of his eyes and subtle twitch of his brow indicating he had heard her words. He took another step, impossibly closer, forcing her to lean back against the console to maintain eye contact. Then, he placed his hands on either side of her and leaned in, so their foreheads were nearly touching.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seems to me,” he growled under his breath, <em>“you</em> were the one questioning my virility.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rose could feel his breath, cool against her cheek, his lips so close to hers. Her own lips parted in anticipation, a yearning ache forming deep in her core. Coupled with his proximity, it stirred in her a reckless bravado and she tilted her head ever-so-slightly, encouraging him. “Well, it seems to <em>me,”</em> she purred, “you ‘ave somethin’ to <em>prove</em>, then, yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something rumbled deep in his chest and he moved ever closer. (<em>Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!</em> <em>Just a little further…)</em> He was so close, a hair’s-breadth was all that was left between them. Rose’s heart throbbed out the long, tense moments, but she didn’t dare move. She had thrown down the gauntlet. It was his to pick up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then suddenly his lips were on hers, possessive and demanding, yet wonderfully soft and welcoming. She opened to him, unstintingly, and he deepened the kiss, his tongue teasing the edge of her lips, sending a jolt of desire tingling from the base of her spine, all the way to the tips of her fingers and toes. Instinctively, her hips bucked in response, thrusting against him, and meeting the undeniable evidence of his arousal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She gasped, and he broke the kiss, offering her a cocky, lop-sided smirk. “I hate to admit it, but <em>this</em> time Harkness was right.” He chuckled softly. “I <em>do</em> have all the necessary bits.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, ya sure do,” Rose choked out, hardly able to believe what was happening.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chuckling again, the Doctor helped her to stand upright, then cupped her face reverently with both hands and bestowed her with another passionate kiss. Rose’s knees turned to jelly when, next, he whispered in her ear. “May I have this dance, Rose Tyler?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You… you mean <em>dance</em>-dance, yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, if you’re willin’… And I promise you, love,” he added with a roll of his eyes, “it will not be anything so gauche as a ‘Horizontal Tango.’ Bloody Harkness.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded, giggling, unable to form words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And speaking of whom,” he wrapped an arm around her, guiding her away from the console, “I think we’d best take this somewhere more private.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Many fantastic hours later, Rose lay panting and sated on the rich, burgundy sheets of the Doctor’s bed. He had proven, time and again, without a doubt, that he had all the necessary bits and knew how to use them spectacularly well.</span>
</p>
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